Day Off

Zoe was off school today, and I was off work, so we did what mothers and daughters since time immemorial have done: we went shopping together.

• • •

I feel the need…the need for speed

For a few weeks now, I’ve been getting irrationally irritated at my computer. Any time I was on the internet, the thing just seemed to draaaaaag. I type cnn.com and then go make a cup of coffee and visit the bathroom and trim a hangnail and bake 18 dozen cookies and then check the computer and the page would be maybe half loaded.

• • •

Monday Monday

I had today “off,” which of course meant I was busier than if I had actually worked. I found our missing cuckoo clock for M to hang, and cleaned the nasty stuff off the feet of Zoe’s stepstool from her bathroom so we could attach new pads that are clean and not covered in adolescent girl hair and cat fur. After taking Zoe to school, I got in a 4+ mile walk which led to the complete draining of my iPhone battery. (Side rant: Ever since I upgraded to the new iOS the damn thing won’t hold a charge. Given how much I use my phone during the day, this is really starting to hack me off. It’s a 6S, so, you know, not insanely old. Heck, my contract isn’t even up until April, so it’s way less than two years old. I’ve tried all the tricks except flatlining it, which I hate doing because I’m always worried the backup won’t work and I’ll lose stuff. Ugh. Technology.) After a shower, I cleaned up around the house, placed a box on the front porch for volleyball uniforms to be dropped off, and headed out. Picked up a prescription and the dry cleaning, and took Daddy to two doctor appointments. Those took way longer than expected, but I was able to get some work done while I waited.

• • •

What’s in your refrigerator right now?

Today’s prompt asks me to look in the fridge, and I thought I’d go with it since the only thing I typed today was a grocery list. I don’t usually type my grocery lists, but I was on my computer anyway looking up recipes and started a Word doc because I was too lazy to get up and go get a piece of paper. I ended up liking the Word doc because when my list was complete, I cut/paste everything into the order that I walk through my grocery store, which made a huge difference when I was actually there. I just went down the list, and I didn’t have to stop and scan the entire thing over and over to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything. This is revolutionary, because I am a huge dork who gets really excited about efficiency. I’m pretty sure I will never, ever hand write a grocery list again.

• • •

Uh Oh

That night you hit 11:25 p.m. and realize, “Oh, crap. I didn’t make my picture of the day and I didn’t write my post of the day and now I’m tired and have no subjects for either. Outstanding.”

• • •

The best of both of us

Tonight was one of those nights where I am reminded once again that my darling child consists of a combination of genes from both me and her father. It’s freaky when that happens.

• • •

Adventures in Caffeine (Subtitle: Coffee: the Devil’s Drink)

Many of you who know me personally know that I have been decaf for years. Decades, even. I, unlike the vast majority of the population, do not need caffeine to be annoyingly perky in the morning. I’m just naturally someone whose peppy personality pisses off my colleagues who are more dependent upon their daily cup of joe to wake up and get going. Now that I’m older and my trusty Stomach of Steel that could consume anything my college self stuffed into it with nary a grumble has turned into a dyspeptic, grouchy old hag who is never pleased about anything, I can’t even enjoy a can of soda without there being…uh…repercussions. So, I ingest no caffeine on a regular basis. This hasn’t disrupted anything except that sometimes I just want an ice-cold Dr. Pepper, damn it. It’s not even for the caffeine. It’s because Dr. Pepper is the most delicious drink on the planet.

• • •

Things I Will Never Do

  1. Jump out of an airplane. I’ve spent years trying to figure out why anyone would jump out of a perfectly good airplane and I’ve yet to find a good answer.
  2. Pierce anything else. I have one hole in each ear for earrings and that’s it. I hardly ever change my earrings, preferring to stick with the small diamonds that M gave me years ago. This is more of a laziness thing than any personal preference. I don’t need anything else that requires maintenance.
  3. Play football. I mean the real kind. I’d try flag football, but actual football…yeah, no. I watch NFL and NCAA games every week and I see these super athletic guys get tackled and go flying and wind up crushed, and they bounce back up, slap each other in the helmet (a celebration I do not understand in the slightest – “Great job!” BAM) and keep playing, and I think to myself, “That had to hurt.” I know that I would not be moving for a long time if I took even one of those falls. No way. No how.
  4. Climb El Cap. Or any giant rock face, really. Those people are crazy. Bat. Shit. Crazy.
  5. Love coconut. This is distressing to me. I really, really want to like coconut. So many people love coconut, and it’s fun to say “coconut,” and hello…pina coladas. Nope. Not meant to be for me, even though every once in a while I try again. Alas.
  6. Enjoy the Aliens movies. As much as M wants me to, there’s just no way in hell I will ever watch more than 2.3 nanoseconds of one of those movies. I have such a visceral reaction to them that it’s pretty much guaranteed I will bolt from any room that has Sigourney Weaver on the screen. I don’t even wait to see what movie it is. Not taking that chance.
  7. Own a motorcycle. I’ve ridden on them before. That was more than enough. Not enough between me and the road. Or other vehicles. Or trees. No, thanks.
  8. Run a marathon. I can’t think of worse torture than to train for, and then run, 26.2 miles at a time. What in the hell are people thinking? I mean, good on ya, but I don’t get it. I’ve seen what those people look like when they cross the finish line. They do not look happy. They do not look like they are having a good time. In fact, they look like the most miserable people on the planet. Why would I want to feel that way? I do not, as a matter of fact, want to feel that way. Ever.
  9. Hunt. This is one of those things that I absolutely do not judge others for (unlike the runners…I totally judge them). I grew up in a hunting family and I respect both the sport and the need for controlling overpopulation. It’s just something I could never personally do. If I’m shooting anything, it’s with a good camera and an expensive lens. Far less bloody, although no deer steaks after which is a bummer.
  10. Enjoy wearing high heels. Those things are like expensive, colorful torture devices for my feet. I either never learned how to walk in them properly or am missing the gene altogether (I suspect the latter), which means any time I do try to wear them I am in imminent danger of seriously injuring myself in addition to looking like a clown on her first day of stilt-walking class.

Editor’s Note: I retain the right to add to this list in the future, should I think of more things I will never, ever do.

• • •
1 2 3 8