October 16, 2017 by Amy

Sail On

This morning’s news brought word that a 200-foot pirate ship sailed amok late yesterday in Newport Harbor and collided with some boats before running aground.

I was pulled in by the photo, because it’s astounding to see a pirate ship outside of a theme park these days. I guess I’m a sucker for an out-of-control pirate ship.

I should clarify: it’s not actually a pirate ship. It was “constructed in the spirit of a wooden naval vessel of the early 1800s” and is used as a civilian training ship. It looks exactly like a pirate ship, though, and so that’s what I’m going with.

The crew of 12 (pirates) was not injured when the vessel lost power and drifted. Apparently no pirates-in-training were aboard, nor were there any stowaways, prisoners, or parrots.

I started with a mental image of dirty, bearded and eye-patched men running about screaming, “Arrrggghhhh! She’s adrift! Shiver me timbers!” while elite yacht owners lounging on their decks utter, “What the fuck, Miffy. We’ve just been hit by a…pirate ship.” If you have a boat in Newport Harbor you have some dough, so please read that last quote with a snooty New England accent. And what does that call to the insurance company sound like? “Excuse me…you were hit by what?!”

The name of the pirate ship that hit the other boats is the SSV Oliver Hazard Perry. Perry was a baby-faced Commodore who fought at the Battle of Lake Erie against the British in the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. He was an actual naval commander. Not one of these Commodores:

I’m sorry, but if you’re gonna put “Hazard” in the name of your boat, you’re just willing something to happen. Tempting fate. Taunting karma. Come on, people. Go with something a little safer, like Boaty McBoatface.

In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy my imaginary pirate ship commanded by Lionel Richie scaring the hell out of modern day boats in Newport Harbor while “Sail On” plays in the background.

Yes, I’ll be on my way. I won’t be back to stay.
I guess I’ll move along, I’m lookin’ for a good time.

#blog#boating#writing