To boldly snob

I was flipping through my writing prompts book tonight and landed on a page that asked, “Is there anything you’re a snob about?” It’s a good question. Because it’s making me think.

I’m a snob about cars, for sure, but my daily driver is a Mazda CX-5 Mom-mobile, so really, how snobby am I? I’m particular about cars, and I do judge young people who willingly drive Buicks because Buicks still seem like old-people cars even with Matthew McConaughey shilling for them, but other than that I’m okay, so maybe I’m not too terribly snobby when it comes to cars.

Computers? I love Macs, and abhor PCs. I haven’t had great experiences with PCs while my Macs have been nearly flawless, so at least there’s a basis for my snobbery.

No, I’m looking for snobbery just for the sake of snobbery. This is hard for a girl who is content to shop at DSW and Target, and who revels in buying the store brand when grocery shopping. Although past experience says go with Creamette when it comes to pasta, because off-brand pasta can be gloppy.

I’ll go with any shoe that doesn’t hurt my feet.

I’ll wear any clothes that are clean and comfortable.

I’ll eat any chocolate.

I’ll drink any wine, try any beer. Except IPA. That stuff is nasty.

Books? I can be a snob about books. I refuse to read the 50 Shades phenomenon simply because I heard from multiple sources that it’s bad writing, really truly, awful writing, and I just don’t have time to read bad writing. There are too many good books out there to waste time on bad writing. Now, I’ll stop reading a book I don’t like, which is fairly new. I used to think that I had to finish every book I started. Nope. No more time. There are finite hours in the day and a virtually infinite number of good books to read. I’m not sure that’s snobbery so much as impatience.

I can be snobby about restaurants. I avoid chains. Local eats are always so much better. The advent of apps like Yelp and Trip Advisor make this much easier when traveling. We’ve found some unbelievable places to eat while on the road. That being said, I love McDonald’s French fries and I do have to get my White Castle fix every once in awhile. Ain’t no snobs hanging out at the White Castle.

Oh, wait. I just realized what I’m a snob about. It’s grammar. I’m a huge, massive, undeniable grammar snob. Now, before some of you get all defensive know that I’m fully aware that grammar for some people is like math for me, and so I get it. It’s not for everyone. My brain simply can’t handle mathematics like normal people. I can’t help myself with the grammar, though. I get all fired up. I am unreasonable about it, although I’ll fight you to the death if you call me unreasonable about it. I love debates about debatable grammar, such as the Oxford comma and splitting infinitives, but I’m not so inflexible that I refuse to ever use an Oxford comma. I won’t back down on the infinitives, though. It’s okay to split them, because we speak English, not Latin. And because “to go boldly” sounds ridiculous.

Whew. I’m glad I figured that out. I was really getting worried that there wasn’t a damn thing I could be snobby about. Now I can get back to reading my Garner’s Modern English Usage, you know, just for fun.

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