June 1, 2006 by Amy

25 Photographic Truths

This is probably only funny to fellow photographers, but I’ll post it anyway, because it makes me laugh. This is from an out-of-print poster by photographer Ted Orland, who worked with Ansel Adams. The text accompanies an image of a not-amused Ansel Adams taking a grade school class portrait (hey, even the greats have to earn a living some way). Orland promises to come out with a new poster soon, with updates regarding the digital world, and I hope he does, because I’ve searched high and low for a copy of the original and can’t find one.

25 PHOTOGRAPHIC TRUTHS
1. The best scenic views are clearly designated by highway signs reading NO STOPPING ANYTIME.

2. Edward Steichen owned a three-legged dog, which he named Tripod.

3. The Post Office folds all parcels containing photographs.

4. Camera straps never fail above soft surfaces.

5. Lens caps and cable releases can become invisible at will.

6. Spotone bottles are designed to tip over when the cap is removed.

7. Financial success in photography is directly related to proper choice of subject matter. Falling airplanes, exploding volcanoes, and certain Presidential motorcades work best.

8. No two light meters agree.

9. The work “Daguerreotype” cannot be spelled correctly.

10. A new Hasselblad would take better pictures than your present camera.

11. 1/60 at f/8 is the correct exposure for all photographs.

12. When your friends finally realize that you are a true artist, committed to making sensitive and meaningful images, they will ask you to photograph their wedding.

13. Color slide viewing cures insomnia.

14. On any tripod, only two legs work properly.

15. Dust spots are attracted to sky areas.

16. YES, PHOTOGRAPHERS DO IT IN THE DARK… but they have to stop every thirty seconds to agitate.

17. There’s nothing wrong with a 35mm that a 4×5 can’t cure.

18. Ansel Adams had three Secret Zones known only to him.

20. Fast films compensate for slow photographers.

21. Mounting a photograph is a misdemeanor in Arkansas.

22. Owning more than one lens assures that you will always have the wrong lens on the camera for any given picture.

23. A camera store will charge $75 to repair a camera that has been adjusted with a butter knife.

24. Falling lenses are attracted to rocks.

25. Into every life a little grain must fall.

Here’s another old image of mine. Yeah, it’s a few years old, but it’s a favorite to a few people and posting a few old images at a time will eventually get all my best work up on the blog.

Blue Chairs, Old San Juan