September 7, 2006 by Amy

Celebrate life, don’t mourn it

I’m really tired of funerals. Really. I’m tired of learning of the passing of loved ones and friends. I suppose I’m hitting the age where I will be learning of this more and more, and it sure does stink.

Tonight we are going to the funeral of M’s great-great aunt. Zoe’s great-great-great aunt. Beans is waiting to hear when her friend’s body will be shipped home and when a memorial service will be scheduled. She has attended so many funerals and services in the last few months that she’s got to be even more tired of them than I am. I can count five in my head; her friend’s service will make six.

It makes me think of what I want in my own funeral. So I’m gonna lay it all out here so there are no questions. First of all, I want it cheap, cheap, cheap. I’m dead, so don’t blow any more money on me. Cheap wooden box…let me return to the earth, please. No mausoleum. Those things creep me out. There’s not gonna be much left of my body anyway, as I want as much of it donated as possible. It’s a pretty good body, except for my eyes, which make me blind as a bat without glasses and which wouldn’t serve anyone else very well, either.

Have lots of food. Good food, like toasted ravioli and really good chocolate. Good music, too. None of these funeral dirges. I definitely want the Beatles “Let It Be.” That’s about the slowest I’ll go, though. The rest needs to be things like U2’s “Vertigo” or B-52’s “Love Shack.” “Funky Town” is always a safe bet.

I don’t want any tears at my funeral. I want people to tell funny stories about me, so that everyone laughs and has a good time. Like the time I ran out of gas b/c the idiot light in my car didn’t come on. Or the insane story of my getting ready to have Zoe via c-section (it has to do with a foggy shower, a razor, a mirror, and very pregnant belly…just ask M).

I’d love to have lots of my images there. All the photographs that I’ve made over the years. Because I figure a.) that’s a guaranteed way to get a show and b.) no one’s gonna rip on a dead person’s work, so it’ll be a resounding success.

Yeah, that’s about it. Just make sure it’s a celebration of my life, not a mourning of my passing.