October 1, 2015 by Amy

If I retired

I have decided that it’s in my best interests, and therefore the interests of my family, if I retire from working. You see, I can’t get everything done that I want to get done, and it’s mostly because work gets in the way. If I’m working, I’m not reading, writing, or photographing. If I’m working, I’m, well, working. And that isn’t nearly as much fun as reading, writing, and photographing.

If I retired, I would purchase a subscription to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, the Washington Post, the New York Times, and the New Yorker. It takes time to read these publications, which I can’t do if I’m working. No more maxing out my 10 free articles per month on-line. I would enjoy catching up on the local, national, and international news every day over a cup (or two or five) of coffee. I’d have actual newsprint on my fingers, and hear the soothing rustle of the paper. I’d scowl at the New York Times crossword puzzle and consider myself a genius if I ever finished one on Friday. I’d probably save the New Yorker, that weekly magazine full of dense copy, for a couple of afternoons. You know, to avoid burn-out.

If I retired, I would buy a cute little Macbook computer to take with me to Starbucks to write, because everyone knows that J.K. Rowling penned the first Harry Potter book in a coffee shop. Since my handwriting is atrocious, I would need a computer. And nothing screams, “Hey! I’m creative, dammit!” like a Macbook. It’s important that everyone else at the Starbucks know that I’m writing a bestselling novel. I’d probably need to get the one with the big screen, you know, to avoid eye strain. And the big hard drive to hold my giant novel and the fastest processor to allow me to open valuable researching apps like Facebook and Twitter and YouTube and Wikipedia all at the same time. I’d need to regularly load my Starbucks Gold card, too, because they’re not just going to let me write there for free. At least not until I’m as famous as J.K. Rowling. And besides, who goes to a coffee shop and doesn’t drink coffee? Not me.

If I retired, I would have so much time to research and procure new lenses for my camera. I’d have time to play with that macro, try out this super telephoto, have fun with the fisheye. I’d be able to test my primes against my zooms. Since I recently switched from crop-sensor to full-frame, I am in desperate need of lenses. Big lenses and little lenses. All the lovely lenses. Oh, and filters! So much fun with filters. Of course, I’d probably need to experiment with new bags, too, to hold all my gear. Backpacks and messenger bags and camera bags that look like cute purses and ones for streamlined shooting (body plus one or two lenses) and bags that also hold the cute Macbook mentioned above. I’d also need to travel, a lot, to find fresh places worthy of aiming a lens.

If I retired, it seems, I would have to find a job to fund my retirement. So it looks like retirement isn’t going to happen any time soon. Ah, well. A girl can dream.