May 6, 2014 by Amy

I work with pot-smoking alcoholics, apparently

In the dining hall today I had an interesting conversation with some of my colleagues. I asked the table if anyone has tried The Xanax, as I am interested in checking it out.

Colleague A: I tried it once. It made me tired. Do you want to be tired?

Me: No. I just want to not give a shit.

Colleague B: Oh, well, then you should just try alcohol.

Me: I would, except that I can’t be drunk at work. At least not more than once.

Colleague A: Pot. Pot would work. You should get some marijuana.

Me: Huh. That’d be interesting. I’ve never tried marijuana.

Colleague A: You’ve never tried marijuana? Seriously?

Me: Nope. When I was in high school my step-mom told me that it made her cry. I didn’t want to cry so I never tried it.

Colleague A: It just made me laugh.

Me: I just figured out a couple years ago what Green Day really means.

Colleague C: When I was in high school, Green Day released their “American Idiot” album and…

Me: “American Idiot” came out when you were in high school? Man, that makes me feel old. Thanks for making me feel old, asshole. Anyway, I don’t think I can use marijuana at work, either.

So what I learned today was this: only one person has tried The Xanax and didn’t have much success, but plenty of people have experience with alcohol and marijuana. And that I probably wouldn’t give a shit about my assistant making me feel old if I was on The Xanax but mainly because I’d be sleeping at my desk all day.

I’m starting to think trying any sort of mood elevator might not be a good idea. Beyond Starbucks, that is. No way am I giving up that shit.

(Note to M: I’m guessing a decaf grande non-fat no-whip extra-hot mocha every once in awhile is probably a lot less expensive and more legal than The Xanax, pot, and alcohol. All this is to say that you should support my habit and be proud of my gold-star status because it’s keeping me gainfully employed and contributing to that 403(b), mister.)