September 21, 2025 by Amy

A Social Experiment on Facebook

I bought a new car back in April, a Chevy Equinox EV. I don’t buy new cars very often, so I was pretty excited. It’s also our first EV, and the thing is so tricked out it’s like driving the Enterprise from Star Trek. (One of the new ones like D or E, not the original NCC-1701 with no letter.) (Yeah. I know my Trek.) I researched like crazy and we test drove several different EVs and a hybrid before we ordered, and I felt solid about my choice.

We took delivery of a Riptide Blue AWD RS late in the day on a Friday. Not used to one-pedal driving yet, I probably looked drunk navigating out of the parking lot and most of the way down Manchester. (Note: the one-pedal driving option gets real easy, real fast. I am a huge fan and don’t ever want to go back. Haven’t hit the brake pedal in weeks, yo.)

The next day, in the pouring rain, M and I sat in the Equinox in the driveway for close to two hours, exploring the menus, programming the garage door opener, and setting up all my preferences. It was a ton of fun. I named my car Copernicus. I love him.

A week or two after happily driving Copernicus to and fro, I discovered a group of Equinox EV owners on Facebook. It seemed like a handy resource so I joined. I posted exactly one question: “Can anyone recommend a decent sunshade for this hella gigantic windshield?” A kind woman answered with a link, I purchased her recommendation, the shade arrived a few days later, and it has functioned properly ever since. “Excellent,” I thought. This is how social media groups are supposed to work, in an ideal world. 

Reader, we do not live in an ideal world. The group is infested with people who clearly have nothing better to do with their lives than hang out in an online club consisting of owners of a small, electric SUV that isn’t that remarkable in any way. Seriously, this car is like the Honda Accord of EUVs, the Ford Taurus, the Toyota Corolla, the, well, the Chevy Equinox of EUVs. It’s not like some high-end hand built Maserati. Everyone just chill the fuck out.

Instead, I have met these people:

• Tesla Tom: a guy who owns a Tesla and an Equinox EV and makes it his life’s mission to tell every person on every post that the Tesla is better. “Trust me, bro. I have both.” I think Tesla Tom may actually be Elon Musk trying to secretly infiltrate and convert everyone into Tesla buyers. “Oh, you want a sunshade for your Equinox EV? You should have bought a Tesla. My Tesla doesn’t need a shade. It magically repels the sun. The sun is afraid of Teslas.” According to Tom, Teslas are the Chuck Norris of cars.
• Glare Gary: a gentleman who loves to talk about the glare through the giant windshield, post photos of the glare in different lighting situations, compare the glare to the glare of other cars, talk about solutions for the glare (both OEM and aftermarket), discuss which glare solution is best, and post NHTSA safety bulletins about windshield glare. Gary is obsessed with glare. It’s his jam.
• RayBans Roy: a man who gets utterly bent every time Gary posts, which is often, and responds to every glare post with some version of, “BUY SOME POLARIZED SUNGLASSES YOU WANKER.” Roy can’t handle anyone talking about glare. Ever. He also loves to tell everyone that their anti-glare dash covers look fucking stupid. (I mean, he’s not wrong on how those dash covers look, but just let people do what they want, man.) (Note: Gary usually responds with, “bUt I wEaR pResCriPtiOn gLasSes” which Roy does not give two shits about because if Gary didn’t spend so much time researching glare he could figure out via a quick Google search that you can get polarized prescription sunglasses.)
• Kilowatt Karl: This person has got to be an engineer. I’ve never seen someone get so far into the weeds about charging, chargers, rates of charging, battery health, battery conditioning, and more. He sounds like Dr. Emmett Brown in Back to the Future, going on about temporal displacement, flux dispersal, and gigawatts. Confession: I do not understand 98% of what this man posts. I drive my car home, I plug it into the wall, I unplug it the next morning, and I drive to work. But you do you, boo.
• Charging Charlie: Loves to poke Karl by asking, “If I use this gizmo that converts one outlet into three outlets and then use this extension cord plugged into a surge protector to run power from my clothes dryer out to the garage and then use this adapter to splice into my gasoline-powered generator, can I charge my car faster?” Karl has an online heart attack and screams about houses burning down and for the love of god call a licensed electrician before you kill someone while the rest of us throw back some popcorn and laugh and laugh.
• Mod Max: The dude who buys a car and then spends every waking hour trying to make it look nothing like itself. He’s tinted the windows, blacked out the reflectors, painted his brake calipers, and put carbon fiber tape over all the shiny bits in the cabin. He brags that he used black duct tape to cover the gold Chevy bowtie because anyone who bought the black bowtie package is stupid. Sir, this is a Chevy Equinox. You spent hours doing this and it still looks like a Chevy Equinox.
• Extended Warranty Earl: Let’s debate the extended warranty and whether it’s worth it. Then let’s debate it again. Then let’s argue with others who did buy it or who didn’t buy it. Then let’s dictate what everyone else should do because My Way is the Only Right Way, Suckers. You got one? You’re an idiot. You didn’t get one? You’re a moron. Either way, you lose.
• What Does This Symbol Mean Wally: His queries result in 4,739 people screaming, “Read the manual!” Then 8,427 people replying, “There is no manual!” Then 3,821 people retorting, “Yes, there is. It’s digital. It’s in the app.” Then 2,904 people ask, “Where is it in the app?” And then one person says, “It means you have one-pedal driving on.” Repeat ad nauseum. This also happens when Novice Ned posts, “Hi! I just bought this car without doing one second of research! What should I know?”
• Apple AirPlay Alan: bought his Equinox EV knowing full well it doesn’t support AirPlay, and then spends hours crabbing about it in the forum. Then other people crab about it. The rest shrug and say, “Meh. Bluetooth works fine, and so does voice command for Google.” Then someone inevitably asks, “Why did you buy this car if that was a dealbreaker?” “I’m waiting for GM to fix it.” Good luck, buddy. You’ll probably be driving a flying car before Apple makes nice with all these car manufacturers.

As much fun as I’ve had on the Chevy Equinox EV Group, I think my time there has come to an end. I love my car. I love the sunshade that the other sane woman recommended. I think I’m good. But thanks, guys. It’s been a treat. Copernicus out.

#blog#daily life#musings#personal essay