August 22, 2014 by Amy

And with that, I’m going to bed.

I just spent an hour writing an insanely long post that is so damn inflammatory that I don’t think I can post it. I mean, yeah, I’ve already spouted off about finding my voice and standing up…but this one, I think, goes a little too far.

I have a test before I publish something. I think, “What would M say?” I can just see him reading the post, then looking at me over the iPad. “Yeah. No, you can’t publish that.” Sigh.

So. What have I been up to when I wasn’t here?

I turned 41.

I sauntered through a 5k mud run. And got really, really muddy.

My grandmother fell, dislocating and fracturing her shoulder.

Another neurologist appointment for Mom.

The faculty came back to work, and I presented to them. And I didn’t pee in my pants while I was on the stage and behind the mic, like I thought I might.

I worked on planning for our Girl Scouts meetings this year.

Took Zoe to the doctor for an infection near her ear.

Discovered, and fell in love with, Doctor Who. The Ninth one.

Dentist appointment.

Software training.

Watched night after night of riots continue in Ferguson, wondering if they’re really accomplishing anything.

We were tagged to participate in the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. And we did. And we challenged others, and they did.

It’s all been good (except for the fall)(and the software training). I’m a little stuck in my head right now, trying to figure out how to express myself without pissing people off. And before you go all, “Do it, girl! Be yourself!” keep in mind that I really don’t want to lose friends, loved ones, or my job. I’m really quite fond of all three, so I have to tow the line somewhat. Although it feels a bit like I’m betraying myself. Even though I know that relationships are more important than being right. Yes, I realize that with that very statement I’m being preachy and judgmental, and ironically, my unpublished post is all about calling out people for being preachy and judgmental.

Ain’t none of us perfect, none of the time.