May 20, 2014

And that’s how the cat got a middle name

I just woke up because the dryer kicked on again (it has the wrinkle guard setting that’ll run it for 30 seconds every eight minutes after the cycle to, you know, guard against wrinkles) and it’ll keep going all night until I get up and take the laundry out so it doesn’t wrinkle which makes my dryer an annoying, naggy bitch. I woke up with M on one side of me and Max on the other, and as I climbed out over Max (only because he’s smaller and less likely to grumble) I remembered this conversation Zoe and I had the other day:

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May 19, 2014

I need a costume

I just realized that by the time I get home tonight I will most likely be in no shape to write or post anything here. I have a business meeting at 7 p.m. with the King of All Douchebags, and it promises to get ugly. Thankfully there will be others there, most of them in my corner, but still. It’s the whole idea of having to deal with someone’s fragile, yet enormous, ego that tanks my day.

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May 16, 2014

Lost: creativity, and the willpower to stop eating

It’s 9:14 p.m. and I’m tired because I was up until 2 a.m. and I have heartburn because when I am stressed I overeat and by the end of this week I should weigh 5,739 pounds at the rate I’m going so I think maybe the heartburn is saying, “Hey, stupid, stop shoving everything you can find in your mouth. That’s not good for you. Drink water.” I should listen to the heartburn. If I promise to listen to you, will you go away? Now, please.

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