May 23, 2011 by Amy

Good weekend. Still cranky. Sigh.

Girls’ weekend went off without a hitch, and was packed with all kinds of good stuff.  I went to a birthday party, took Zozer to a birthday party, hit a housewarming event, visited my Gran in the nursing home and my dad way out in the sticks and the local park.  We got the house cleaned, and a lot of piles put away.  We read some books, and played, and colored.

Oh, and the world didn’t end.  There’s always that.

I’m feeling restless these days.  Like I can’t settle down.  I have a short fuse, and feel on the verge of tears more often than not.  I am frustrated, and resentful, and have little to no tolerance for most people.  In short, I am exactly the person I don’t want to be, which just pisses me off more.  I have successfully managed to keep this from Zozer, though, and I do take pride in that.  Unfortunately, M bears the brunt of it.

He’s in Denmark this week, and most likely very, very thankful to be away from Crazy Wife.

I realize this will pass.  I just gotta work through it.  I have taken steps towards recovery:

1. Cleaning up the house goes far.  I always feel like I can’t get my mental house in order until my physical house is in order.  I can see all the horizontal surfaces in my home again, so that’s good.
2. I am limiting my time on Facebook.  I’m not a huge FB user anyway, but now I find when I go on there I just get pissed.  So many stupid, inane posts about absolutely nothing.  People all posting the same garbage, over and over and over again (much like my grouchy blog posts, come to think of it.  Sigh).  Do I really need to know everyone’s work schedule?  I think not.  I’d venture to guess that maybe 10%, maybe, is worth reading.  Actually, I just like the pictures.  By the time I get done, I feel like I’ve just wasted part of my life that I’ll never get back.  Which just pisses me off more.  I’m a social media luddite.  I’m starting to take pride in becoming a Facebook curmudgeon, and in cultivating a rich “off-line” life.  
3. I have gone “invisible” on the instant messaging system at work.  Which has greatly enhanced my mood.  I tried just setting my status to “unavailable,” but when people pinged me anyway (WTF?  Do you not get what “unavailable” means?  It’s means I. am. not. available.) I went dark.  I feel like a superhero.  I can see you…but you can’t see me.
4. I am drinking a lot of water.  I mean a LOT of water.  Trying to flush out whatever toxins are making my cranky.  I realize this is not entirely logical, but at least it’s an effort to do something and ya’all know how much of a control freak I am.

#daily life#musings