August 26, 2014 by Amy

Keep Writing

When you compose an email in Yahoo, and then click it closed without sending it, the software gives you three options: save, delete, and keep writing.

It’s that third that I keep getting stuck on.

I’ve basically written the same email three times tonight, but then chicken out and click it closed. I choose “delete” each time. But “keep writing” is kind of stuck in my head. I’m not thinking there’s some sign from God there, it’s Yahoo after all, but maybe it’s a little nudge. Just keep writing.

The email isn’t inflammatory or anything. It’s just a question to which I’m not sure I want the answer. Which is why I keep closing the message without sending it.

It’s kind of like this: I can’t ask someone if they’ve thought of something, because by asking them I’ll necessarily make them think of it. Or something like that. I don’t know. It’s logical in my head.

I can’t sleep. It’s 2:23 a.m. and I’m sitting in my dark office banging away on keys and not making much sense.

I wrote a whole post last night that I let marinate for a day. Made some edits tonight, and posted it. Then M read it and questioned whether I should have posted it and since he’s typically a lot smarter than I am I took it down. I wasn’t going to, but then I couldn’t sleep and I realized I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about his reaction (or rather, how he was worried about someone else’s reaction, whom I don’t even know visits this space any more…which is the conundrum…how do I find out who’s coming here and who isn’t?) and so I got up and pulled it. And replaced it with something far lighter.

Which is fine but shallow. There is so much going on, far below the surface, and that’s the stuff I want to write about. Or rather, post about. It’s written. I just don’t know if it’s appropriate to share.

So I just keep writing.