August 1, 2011 by Amy

Normalcy

Fantastic weekend.  The sheer mediocrity…plainness…unscheduled except for those mundane tasks of housecleaning, laundry and grocery shopping.  It was heaven.  It was what I needed to feel like a normal person again.  Getting clothes out of a drawer instead of a suitcase, and sitting at my vanity instead of standing at a generic bathroom sink wondering what funky stuff is growing everywhere.

Our refrigerator was woefully bare, as were our cupboards.  We had decided over a month ago to “eat down” the house, which is necessary every once in awhile to keep food from going bad and to declutter the kitchen.  When we go in to eat-down mode, we buy only perishables like milk, cheese, eggs and fruit.  Then we make ourselves eat the pork loin that’s been in the freezer since gawd knows when, and the noodle packet that could probably withstand a nuclear holocaust.  Eat-down, combined with being gone several weekends in a row, meant that unless we went grocery shopping, Saturday night dinner would consist of croutons of a questionable age, a dented can of cream of mushroom soup, and a frozen doughnut.

The house was an absolute wreck.  We all had stuff everywhere, and there were enough tumblefurs floating around to build an extra cat or two.  My desk had become a paper wasteland again, and we hadn’t seen the top of Zoe’s dresser in months.

We chose Saturday to get out, and Sunday to stay in.  We went to the grocery store, and Sam’s.  Filled the car up with gas.  Visited my gran in the nursing home.  Popped in to see my folks for a bit.  After we left there, I was quiet.  Which, for those of you who know me, knows this is odd.  M picked up on it immediately and asked, but I couldn’t tell him why.  I realized, only after noodling it around for awhile and figuring it out for myself, that I hadn’t seen my folks in forever and I miss them.  Which is when I figured out there are a whole lot of people I miss.  I haven’t seen my best friend in months, and we’re both so busy our conversations are usually little spurts of texting.  I haven’t spent any real time with a dear friend from my old job in probably a year.  The list goes on and on.

But if I can’t find time to keep my house clean, and buy milk for my family, how do I keep these relationships going?  For the time being, until I figure out how to balance it all, I need your help.  I need to not be the person responsible for keeping things going for awhile.  I need you to call me.  I need you to invite me to dinner or lunch or drinks.  I’m in purely reactive mode right now.  If I get invited somewhere, I go.  I’ve got too much on my plate right now to plan and issue invitations myself.  I realize this is unfair…a relationship goes both ways, and both people need to make an effort.  I get that.  But I’m also grounded enough to realize when I need help, and I’m not embarrassed to ask for it.

What I also need is to be understood.  We all go through periods of insanity with work, kids, etc.  We all ebb and flow, and are more present and less present in different amounts every day.  And no one is perfect.  Ever.

Yesterday, M gave me exactly what I needed.  He asked, and I told him, and he understood perfectly.  He took Zozer swimming and left me alone, in the house, to get done what I needed to.  I cleaned (and cleaned, and cleaned), did laundry, organized, sorted, got rid of things I should have months ago.  I listened to whatever music I wanted to (LOUD), and danced while I vacuumed.  I sang (LOUD), and cleaned up the basement, and stood at the kitchen sink and ate tuna out of a can for lunch.  They came back relaxed and happy, and I was thrilled to welcome them back to a house I could be proud of.  All horizontal surfaces are clean and uncluttered again.  Laundry is done, folded and put away.  Litterbox empty, floors scrubbed, couches de-furred.  Bliss.

I know the house won’t stay like this for very long.  But damn, it’s nice while it lasts!

#daily life#musings