December 15, 2006 by Amy

Smiting, and hell handbaskets

Well, my day went to hell in a handbasket yesterday, after that last post. Our power is still messed up. Maybe. Still working on all those issues and will keep you posted, but in the meantime…

Where did the expression “hell in a handbasket” come from? Surely there are more comfortable ways to go to hell. Hell in a hammock, for instance. Of course, a hammock isn’t exactly very mobile. Neither is a handbasket for that matter, but no one has considered that. Maybe the point is to not be comfortable on the way to hell, since, after all, you’re going to hell. Of course, if you’re going to spend eternity miserable, you might as well be comfortable on the journey there.

Why can’t we say “going to hell in a muckbucket” or something like that, because muckbucket is much more fun to say than handbasket, although you are missing out on some fine alliteration.

Who even uses handbaskets anymore, anyway? Really, I just see a lot of oversized totes. But “going to hell in an oversized tote” doesn’t really roll off the tongue.

And what if you’re not really going to hell, but rather, purgatory. Is there an expression for that? You know, when the situation isn’t quite so dire but just as miserable. If you’re stylish and trendy, and independently wealthy, I suppose you could go to purgatory in a Prada or something like that.

If you wanted to stick with the whole alliteration thing. If not, I’m sure it’s perfectly acceptable to travel to purgatory in a handbasket as well, since that’s the vehicle of choice for hell trips and what’s purgatory if not a rest area on the way to hell.

Along the lines of obscure phrases and words, I decided last night that I would like to start being able to smite people. I think the bible talks about God smiting people for this and that (although don’t quote me on that, because as a good Catholic I don’t really know all the bible stuff I should). Frankly, there isn’t enough smiting going on anymore. For those of you who don’t know, to smite someone means to strike sharply or heavily especially with the hand or an implement held in the hand, or to kill or severely injure by smiting, or to attack or afflict suddenly and injuriously. This is from Merriam Webster on-line, by the way.

And yes, for those of you who are wondering (as Stef and I did last night), the past-tense of “smite” is indeed “smote.” Not smited, although that’s fun to say, too.

You never hear about anyone smiting anyone any more. “I smite thee!” Doesn’t that sound fun? You say that and then you whack them upside the head with a stick or something.

I’m working on my “Things and People to Smite” list.