February 25, 2023
Hey, How Ya Doin’?
I absolutely hate this statement. I despise it. I abhor it, because it has lost all meaning.
• • •
February 12, 2023
The Power of Music
Zoe and I had a great conversation about music in the car the other day. We were listening to a playlist I had put together for all-school assemblies, which is harder than it sounds because you have to find music that appeals to all ages of kids from four to eighteen. It’s a great playlist, though, and it’s Zoe’s default go-to when I make her choose (if she doesn’t feel like playing Taylor Swift, Tom Petty, or Joy Oladokun).
• • •
February 7, 2023
State of the (Marital) Union
Members of the Family, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press, Friends, Fellow Citizens, I come before you today to report on the state of our union. Thank you for this opportunity.
• • •
October 15, 2022
Asteroids
A few weeks ago we watched NASA crash a spacecraft into a small asteroid named Dimorphos that is orbiting a larger asteroid. The best part was that it was on purpose. The project, appropriately named Double Asteroid Redirection Test or DART, is an attempt to secure knowledge and data should a “killer” asteroid ever be headed straight toward Earth. The idea is to change the trajectory of an asteroid, but to not hurt it in any way except for maybe leaving a weensy crater where the projectile—in this case a vending-maching sized craft—crashes. Sorry for the scar, Dimorphos.
• • •
August 20, 2022
My Major Award
My husband and I are competitive with each other, to say the least. We trash talk and we swagger when we win. I won’t play him in pool, ping pong, or pickleball, mainly because he has perfected the art of “putting a little English on it” and I have yet to crack the code on how to defend against that. He refuses to play Wii Fencing with me, intimidated by my “shock and awe” tactics which consist entirely of becoming the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes cartoon lore. We’ve raced cars, go-carts, and remote-control vehicles. He out-runs me and I out-yoga him. He usually beats me on the mini-golf greens, but I’ve improved my game in the past few years and have won a few times. (Turns out that when I’ve had a few glasses before and during putt-putt, I stop caring, relax, and turn into Tiger Freakin’ Woods. Ironic, no?) Competition is an ongoing thing in our house. Our child has been drawn in, competing regularly with her father in rock-paper-scissors with the defeated having to hear “You went down in a blaze of glory” upon their loss. Because RPS, as we all know, is absolutely filled with glory.
• • •
August 16, 2022
Happy Birthday to Me
This is the first day of the last year of my 40s and one of my birthday gifts is being given time to write. Which is great because that doesn’t always happen but which I also suspect was given with ulterior motives: Zoe has homework and M wanted to leisurely peruse eBay in search of vintage beer lights for the bar. Well, no gift is selfless, so I shall take this in the spirit with which it was intended.
• • •
July 12, 2022
Colon Blow 2022!
Instructions for a Colonoscopy, Translated for the Rest of Us
• • •
January 25, 2022
I Like Banned Books and I Cannot Lie
My home state is in the national news again, because of yet more spectacularly poor decision-making by the most closed-minded members of its citizenry.
• • •
April 16, 2014
Jealousy and Fear
I’ve been looking for – and finding – a shitload of inspiration out here in the Internets. Lots of amazing, talented, gifted writers who blow me away in 500 words or 4000 words of whatever. Fiction, non-fiction, blogs. I’ve even found one writer who is currently being celebrated while I think she’s just kind of bitchy. One of her adoring fans, a fledgling writer, asked her how to deal with jealousy, and she responded that the girl didn’t have enough experience yet to be jealous. WTF. Jealousy is jealousy. It’s illogical and irrational and shitty and you can’t help the way you feel. That’s what makes it so awful. “Hey there, green monster. It’s not time for you yet! Wait until I’ve sweated and toiled for 10 years and gotten nowhere. Then come back for only then I shall be worthy of harboring jealous thoughts.” Get over yourself, already. And stop making women feel like their feelings aren’t valid. That’s not cool. It’s like eating your young.
• • •
April 14, 2014
A hunt, and a surprise
We went to Palm Sunday Mass and the Alumni Family Easter Egg Hunt at M’s alma mater today. We tried to go last year but the event was snowed out. We had rain this year, but they hid the eggs in the hallway of the high school and the kids had a blast. By “hid” I mean someone threw a ton of plastic eggs down the main hallway and called it a day. M said, “It looks like the Easter Bunny had a blowout!”
• • •