December 4, 2015 by Amy
The only answer is LOVE
This has been a rough week. M left for London on Tuesday, and I started missing him before he even left for the airport. Zoe had a minor kerfluffle with a boy at school that I had to straighten out that day, too. The dining hall was supposed to serve patty melts on Thursday, but our chef forgot to order Texas toast and so he substituted hamburgers. (Yes, I know: first world problems. I get it. But when a girl is counting on her patty melt, dangit…)
Meetings upon meetings upon meetings all week long, scheduled both early in the morning and late in the afternoon like bookends on a shelf filled with novels about torture. I abhor meetings. I think they are the most useless function in the world of business. Or academia. Or anything, really. Meetings of more than two or three people are pointless, by and large, because at any given time the discussion at hand doesn’t pertain at least one person in the room, who is forced to either plod along in boredom or create their grocery list in their notebook so it looks like they’re engaged and taking notes. Or, like me, that person can sit there and think about all the work waiting back at her desk that she could be getting done right now.
I’ve made the terrible mistake of reading comment threads after online articles regarding both the Syrian refugee crisis and the San Bernardino shooting. The crap people post astounds and appalls me to no end. The irrational, judgmental, vitriolic, uneducated, stubborn masses are too much for me. I feel defeated, and worry for the future of my once beloved country if these people are truly representative of my fellow citizens. I need to stop reading the comment threads. Stop reading the comments, Amy, just STOP. Or maybe move to Canada. No, too cold. Find someplace warm. And beachy. With drinks that have little umbrellas.
On my way back to campus from lunch today, I watched as two cars jockeyed to exchange lanes. A woman in a larger sedan was trying to cut across traffic to get into the right lane, while a man in a tiny subcompact wanted to move into the left turn lane. I was behind them both, and the whole thing took less than six seconds to sort itself out. Then I watched in horror as the man pulled up next to the woman, rolled down his window, and screamed obscenities at her for a full 15 seconds, while also gesticulating wildly. His face was almost purple in anger, with veins popping out in his neck, and he called her name after name after name. I wasn’t even on the receiving end of it and I was frightened. He looked so enraged that I worried for a split second that he had a weapon in his car, because it looked like he had already lost his mind. It was another indicator that there is so much hatred everywhere these days. Courtesy and patience and basic respect for humanity is, by and large, gone. I’m sure he was annoyed by her driving – I was, too – but his reaction was unwarranted and went way beyond her infraction.
This afternoon brought an unbelievably poor decision from The Daughter, resulting in an immediate and epic groundation (that’s what she called being grounded) and many, many tears. M and I are very much equal parents; we rely on each other constantly to raise our daughter together. So when something colossal happens and he’s 4,200 miles away (roughly), it feels doubly hard. I don’t like to parent solo, because I know I need him to help me be a better mother. When I have to travel the rough patches alone, or between intercontinental calls and text messages and FaceTime with a six-hour time difference, I feel like I’m on shaky ground. So I’m missing him even more tonight.
Then, after Zoe went to bed (both of us much calmer, and after a lot of snuggling), I walked out to the mailbox. There was a package inside with a gift I ordered last week. I unwrapped it and checked it over and was so very pleased with it, and know that the recipient will be, too. I found the packing slip which contained the shop owner’s name and an email address, so I sat down and wrote her a brief email, thanking her. I started thinking about how most business owners probably don’t get too many emails saying, “Hey, everything’s great. Awesome job!” and how nice it is when positive acknowledgement rolls in unsolicited. I thought that if she’s anything like me, she’ll see an email come in about a recent order and groan, wondering what sort of fight an irrational customer is picking now. I hope she is surprised to see someone who just wanted to say thank you, and good job, and what you do matters.
As I was sending this email, I realized that kindness is the solution to all that other crap that’s been bothering me. Even when I don’t see kindness hardly anywhere else, I can create it myself. I can give it away all the time, every day, and maybe create little rays of sunshine in the lives of others. Even people I’ve never met who sold me something I will give to someone I care about.
I have a friend who is on a Love Campaign. She’s had a rough year and she’s been through a lot, and despite being laid bare, raw and hurting, she has chosen to actively respond with love. And in love. And kindness. And gentleness and grace and beauty. She’s on to something, I think. Given the alternative (sinking down into the depths over the all the hate manifesting itself in our world), I’ll climb aboard that train. You’re welcome to come along…it’s gonna be a great ride!
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