August 4, 2014 by Amy

Today’s Lesson: Avoid the Market When Angry

I should know better. I should know not to go grocery shopping when I’m pissed off. I mean, it’s one thing to go grocery shopping when you’re hungry, but it’s just as bad to angrily push a cart through the store. Sam’s Club set me off, by making me wait 15 minutes in the return line only to explain that I wouldn’t get the tax back I paid because it’s tax-free weekend, and even though my receipt shows I bought these items during the regular tax season, and paid tax, their stupidass system – for this weekend only – cannot process tax either in or out. I’ll have to go back again, and presumably wait another 15 minutes, to get all the money back I paid. (Yo, Sam’s Club…figure out what Target is doing and freakin’ replicate it. It’s obviously not that hard.)

Before you get all judgy about my first-world problems (yes, I recognize them for what they are), let me also explain that I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in over a month, so I’m running on fumes these days and have a fuse that’s about a millimeter long, if that. Yes, I have a plan to fix it. I am heading to the doctor to beg for Ambien, or, failing that, will instruct M to beat me about the head with a blunt object until I pass out.

Also, I was supposed to vacuum my house today, but I didn’t, because I was too busy hauling crap into Sam’s, waiting for 15 minutes, having a five minute discussion about the Sam’s register system, hauling the crap back out to my car, then returning to Sam’s to shop. So the floors in my house remain disgusting, which pisses me off even more.

So, from there I went grocery shopping, frustration level already high.

What was supposed to end up in my cart:

• Fruits
• Vegetables
• Lean meats

What ended up in my cart:

• Chocolate doughnuts
• Powdered sugar doughnuts
• Chocolate cake with caramel drizzle mix
• 2 cans of Spaghettios
• Mr. & Mrs. T Bloody Mary mix
• Mr. & Mrs. T Spicy Blood Mary mix
• Vodka

My plan? If I drink enough Bloody Marys I won’t give a crap if my floors are disgusting. And I just might sleep better, too.