December 2, 2024 by Amy
Twenty-five in Twenty-five
Two years ago, after listening to a podcast I love, I sat down with a dear friend to create our “23 in ‘23” lists. Twenty-three things we each wanted to accomplish in 2023. We did this in January of ‘23 so we were actually working with a little less than a year, but it was ok. The podcast hosts encourage listeners to include some stretch goals, of course, but also save room for the easily attainable. That way one doesn’t get discouraged as the year goes on.
My friend and I toiled away all year and we each hit about half our goals, which I’m taking as a win since the podcast hosts typically hit about half their goals, too. I won’t disclose my friend’s goals (she has her own blog and can self disclose if she feels like it but she doesn’t have to because it’s her prerogative and that’s how these things go), but mine included a range of things from “consolidate retirement accounts” which I thought would be easy but turned out to be a month-long project where I got to be besties with our financial advisor after spending hours on the phone calling all the accounts of my former employers (including one employer who had never marked me as terminated, so I had to formally terminate myself before they’d let me close my account), to “get wills and trust set up” which was far less painful than anticipated thanks to a brilliant family friend/lawyer who carefully and thoughtfully walked us through everything step by step, to “plan a get-away with my sister” which I did and was so awesome and was made doubly so when she convinced me to visit a second-hand shop and I found jeans that actually fit, which was also on my list of things to accomplish. I visited a dermatologist for the first time, purchased new walking shoes, and read a graphic novel (Maus by Art Spiegelman, 10/10 highly recommend). I scheduled four date nights with M and they were great. I won’t get into what I didn’t accomplish because, well, no need to berate myself in public. Plus those nuggets may make a future list so why drop spoilers?
The year of our Lord twenty twenty-three was highly productive and I was very pleased with myself.
And then 2024 came in like a wrecking ball. It came in so violently that I didn’t even have time to stop and think about whether I wanted to create a 24 in ‘24 list, much less what would go on it. My therapist, wise woman that she is, encouraged me to let go of all expectations regarding goals and just live in the moment. Soak up Zoe’s senior year and enjoy the time with her, rather than worrying about getting stuff checked off a list. It was sage advice, and I’m pleased that I was smart enough to heed it. I set zero expectations this past year, which is good because I wouldn’t have accomplished a damn thing and then would have felt guilty about it. Senior year, it turns out, is all-consuming for both the senior and her parents. It was crazy and busy and glorious and we did, indeed, soak up every minute. No regrets. And then the “preparing to move to college” stage happened and that, too, was all-consuming. (Please note: this whole “cut yourself some slack” thing holds true for any major life transition.)
Then she was gone and it took us a hot second to figure out how to live in the new normal. We’re doing great, but it was definitely an adjustment. I had waved off writing, photography, gardening, and painting for that last bit of time she was with us, and instead of rushing right back to any of it, I granted myself the space to simply be still for a while. To voraciously consume books and magazines and television shows. To walk the dog leisurely. To try new recipes that take time to prepare. To stay a bit later at work to finish something when I’m in the flow, a luxury I hadn’t realized I missed. I have learned that creativity needs to go fallow, that it can’t be forced. (Well, I can’t force it, anyway.) Hell, my mental health needed my brain to go fallow. I trusted that the urge to create would return at some point, and it has. Or it is in the process of returning.
So I’m starting to think about a 25 in ‘25 list. It’s feeling rather big and amorphous at the moment. Thoughts about “live my values into the world” segue into “what are my values?” Consider “live in an atmosphere of growth.” What does that even mean? Growth where? In my writing? How does that happen? (I know how that happens: butt in chair, fingers on keyboard…but that’s harder than it seems.) Does growth mean learning new things? I haven’t even accomplished the whole watercolor painting thing yet, although I was going along like gangbusters there for a bit. Same with gardening, which after my first and only summer resulted in the hard-learned lesson that tomato plants need to be protected from the deer, and that squirrels won’t touch basil but will decimate cilantro in record time. Can an atmosphere of growth include returning to the dormant interests? I suppose so, so long as one is continuing to learn.
This is what I’m thinking about these days, in between the working and the holiday planning and the talking to my kid on FaceTime for the sixth time today (turns out parenting continues even when she’s 1,500 miles away) and the stuff of life. I have more room to think is the difference, and space for my thoughts to go deeper. I heard the term “values audit” a few years ago and it has stuck with me, so I may start there. I finally have the capacity to tackle it.
I’m putting this out here to share with you for a few reasons. One, it’ll help hold me accountable. Two, I’d love to hear what you’re working on. What interests have sparked your creativity? What are your goals for 2025? (Survival, my friends, is an admirable goal, and can serve as all 25 of the things on your list. Ask me how I know.) Three, I write to figure out what I think about things and I reckon this here foray into my brain space makes a tidy little blog post and if I’m gonna put something like “post regularly to my blog” on my list I might as well start throwing some stuff up here.
Here’s to closing out 2024, a good but strange year full of surprises and joy and heartache and change and all the crap that comes with change. Here’s to preparing for 2025, whatever that ends up looking like.
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