August 16, 2022
This is the first day of the last year of my 40s and one of my birthday gifts is being given time to write. Which is great because that doesn’t always happen but which I also suspect was given with ulterior motives: Zoe has homework and M wanted to leisurely peruse eBay in search of vintage beer lights for the bar. Well, no gift is selfless, so I shall take this in the spirit with which it was intended.
July 26, 2022
Things you learn when your sump pump dies during an epic, 500-year rainfall:
July 12, 2022
Instructions for a Colonoscopy, Translated for the Rest of Us
February 4, 2022
The forecast was looking super nasty on Tuesday and we thought there was a decent chance we’d be snowed in Wednesday and Thursday, and possibly even Friday. Still at work, I realized that although we had plenty of food from my shopping trip the weekend before (my type-A meal planning routine was paying off), we didn’t have enough bread for sandwiches. This might be a problem since now all three of us were going to be lunching at home. Zoe and I had also attacked the bagels pretty hard and our sleeve of six was already down to two. Okay, bread and bagels. The bread might be a little hard to come by on a last-minute trip to the grocery store with a snow storm looming, but I was confident I could score some bagels. I drove straight from work to the grocery store, along with the rest of St. Louis.
January 9, 2022
“If he can’t learn how to close the motherfracking door softly, I’m going to murder him while he sleeps.”
December 1, 2021
When M and I were first married, the ink not yet dry on our marriage certificate, he began to act strangely. Instead of coming home each night after work, he went to his grandmother’s. “I am making her a plant stand,” he said. “She wants me to make her a plant stand.” Okay, fine, but when it was taking days, then weeks, I had my doubts. I had seen Grandma’s plant stands. A plant stand was a slab of Formica with a kitchen cabinet handle affixed to each end and casters mounted to the bottom. This allowed her to place tall plants in giant pots wherever she wanted in her house. She already had quite a few, built for her, I suppose, by her incredibly handy husband. He had passed away a couple of years before we got married, though, so I guess she needed another one and it was up to her grandson, who had inherited her husband’s mechanical inclinations, to make one.
October 15, 2021
I can’t even with the DMV.
October 10, 2021
It started off so, so good. We were constantly together. I loved the connection. I grew reliant upon it. I altered my lifestyle according to the nudges, the encouragement, and I was happy. Until I wasn’t. Until I realized that I was behaving in ridiculous ways just to avoid the nagging, the subtle comments intended to motivate but that really only induced guilt. Panic would set in if I didn’t conform to expectations. Really, who can live up to that constant pressure? It was time for, at the very least, a trial separation.
October 5, 2021
Sometimes it’s not the technology that malfunctions…
April 12, 2018
It’s pretty common knowledge that you’re supposed to rotate the tires on your car. Some drivers are more vigilant about doing it, but by and large, people know that it should be done. It’s good automotive maintenance.