August 6, 2020 by Amy

I’m not brave enough to teach.

I work at a school. This is the second school I have worked at. I love working at schools. The energy children bring is contagious and joyful and invigorating. My coworkers, those who teach and those of us who have the incredible honor to support them, have chosen this career for very specific reasons that have nothing to do with money or fame. It’s all about the heart. Teachers are gashdamn rock stars. I know. I get to see them in action every day. And I know that I could never do what they do.

Like all schools, with a lack of clear direction from government and health officials, our school has been forced to find our own way. There are a lot of things we are juggling.

What is best for our students? This is first and foremost the top priority. Always. People who don’t work in schools find it easy to question this, especially right now, but please reference my note above about money and fame. People who work in schools put children first. They have, in fact, dedicated their lives to this.

What is best for our teachers? Many of our veteran teachers, those who bring experience and wisdom and mentoring capabilities to younger teachers and to our students, fall into the infamous “at risk” category. Others have ongoing health issues that have compromised their immune systems, also placing them at risk. Still others have family members, be they children or parents, who are at risk. 

Some of our teachers are ready to return to the classroom. Others, a significant number, are frightened. We still don’t know exactly who is most susceptible (COVID-19 has killed and harmed people of all ages) and we for sure don’t know the long-term ramifications of having even a mild case (I’ve seen some studies showing permanent, and therefore long-term, cardiac damage). This is an age of unknown, which also drives the fear. For many of us, this unknown is not worth gambling.

My teacher friends, including the ones who are scared to return to the classroom, are already mourning the loss of connection with their students. They live for teaching. They want nothing more than to be in the classroom making a difference every day. I watch them war with themselves over what to do. I watch endless discussions unfold on how to prepare, what to expect, who will get hurt the most in situation A, situation B, situation C, when every situation carries the possibility of life-long damages to someone. It’s a Russian roulette of bad choices. I watch them struggle with the difficult decision to give up their dream of teaching because they don’t feel safe, or return to work with the daily terror of bringing home a deadly disease to their own family. It’s an awful position to be in.

And then I see people online, people who have not chosen a career in education, casting judgment and insisting that schools re-open as usual. And it makes me want to scream. Or cry. 

They don’t have a clue what is happening at schools across the country.

Administrators are trying to create environments where students and teachers not just feel safe, but actually are safe. Teachers are worrying about planning for the school year when they have no idea what it will look like, in addition to worrying about the safety of the students in their care, themselves, and their families.

People say, “If it’s all virtual, fire half the teachers and pack 100 students into a class and give me a tax refund/tuition discount.” Yes, because all teaching consists of is lecturing a faceless group of students. I guess you don’t want interaction and a personal relationship where your child’s teacher is willing to help before or after class and can tell when your child is struggling without hearing a word. And I guess you don’t want your child to turn in assignments or take tests that require grading and feedback, which is where much of the real learning happens. Good luck sticking your fifth-grader in what is essentially a college freshman pre-req lecture hall. Let me know how that works out.

People say, “Teachers just don’t want to work.” Um, no. Again, see my thoughts on why people choose to work in education. They want to be there. Their paychecks prove that a million times over. Teachers are some of the hardest working people I know, so don’t you dare question their commitment. Come at me on this. I will take you down.

People say, “Why can’t they teach virtual AND in class at the same time?” Try this. Get your kids all together. If you only have one, throw in some neighbor kids, socially distanced in the back yard. Then get eight of their friends on a Zoom call at the same time. Now, try to teach them something. Anything. Heck, try to get a consensus on which fast food joint has the best fries. I guarantee you’ll be struggling within minutes. Now try to teach calculus that way. Teaching online is vastly different than teaching in person. Try to do both at once and everyone loses.

People say, “Schools are the safest place! If we can’t trust schools to be clean and safe, where can we trust?” A school in the best of years is a Petrie dish full of cooties that’ll knock you on your butt. Teachers get their flu shots and gamely wade into the cesspool each year to do their job, and have to contend with situations where children spike fevers at lunchtime and say, “I wasn’t feeling good when I woke up, but Mommy gave me red medicine and told me not to tell you.” It’s reasonable to suspect this situation could happen now, with much graver results. Y’all know this happens. You’ve just conveniently forgotten (or choose to willfully ignore) that the stakes are much higher. It’s not the schools you can’t trust. It’s your fellow parents.

What I’m saying is this: your anger is misplaced. Don’t be mad at the teachers. Don’t be mad at the administrators. These people are working with everything they have to educate your children during a pandemic. They’re losing sleep and beating themselves up over every decision, knowing that some of you won’t be happy no matter what they do. Be mad at the people who had all of spring and summer to figure this out for our country and didn’t. That may be any number of people in your mind, but for damn sure, it’s not the people in our schools.

#school#teachers